It starts with a sigh. Maybe even a dramatic gasp or two. You arch your back, let out a few well-timed moans, and collapse into the sheets with a satisfied smile. Your partner beams and thinks he’s done it. But it was all an achievement. You never reached the Big O.
Research shows that many people fake orgasm, with estimates ranging from 21 to 85%. And contrary to stereotypes, men also fake orgasms.
Why fake it? People who find it difficult to orgasm or who climax less often tend to do so. The reasons for this are generally the same for all genders: avoiding conflict, protecting the partner’s sexual confidence, wanting to end the encounter, or feeling pressured to “perform” and maintaining the illusion of always achieving orgasm.
What is less understood is why many people eventually drop the facade. A study in the Journal of Sex Research examines why people stop faking orgasms and sheds light on the hidden dynamics of intimacy, well-being, and relationship health. Understanding these reasons is key to building more honest and satisfying sexual relationships.
End the little white lie in the bedroom
When people stop faking, they often owe it to better sexual communication or a changed view of orgasm itself.
Gender and relationship dynamics also play a role. Those who find it difficult to talk about sex, especially women who feel pressure to be satisfied, are more likely to fake it. In contrast, heterosexual women who believe their partners genuinely care about their pleasure are less likely to continue to do so.
However, important questions remain about how these patterns are related to relationships, sexuality and life satisfaction. Previous research has also focused predominantly on women, while men’s experiences have been largely ignored. To investigate this further, researchers Silvia Pavan, Camilla S. Øverup and Gert Martin Hald from the University of Copenhagen conducted one of the largest studies to date.
Specifically, they surveyed 11,541 adults in six European countries (Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, France and Great Britain). The participants were on average 43 years old, with men and women being almost equally represented. Most identified as heterosexual, lived with a partner in a monogamous relationship, and had children at home. The majority reported having one to five lifelong sexual partners.
The science of stopping fake orgasms
About 40% of participants reported faking an orgasm at some point, with 27% having stopped and 13% still stopping. Just over half said they had never faked one. Previous research confirms that women are more likely than men to report current or previous counterfeits.
Those more likely to fake it also included people with higher education, non-heterosexual participants, parents and people with more sexual partners. People in open relationships were also more likely to pretend, both in the past and in the present. In contrast, older people, people in long-term relationships and people living with a partner reported lower rates.
Differences between countries suggested a cultural influence: fakes were more common in France and less common in Denmark, Finland and Norway.
Why stop faking?
Among those who stopped faking, the most common reasons were that they found it easier not to orgasm, had better sexual communication, and that partners paid more attention to their needs. Men and women reported similar motivations. However, men were more likely to mention confidence in getting caught or no longer being sexually active, while women were more likely to mention comfort in not orgasming.
The study also found a link between faking orgasms and sex toy use. People who counterfeited were more likely to own toys, and those who didn’t own counterfeits were more likely to consider buying one. Among owners, counterfeiters tended to use toys alone, while those who had never counterfeited or had stopped counterfeiting were more likely to use them with a partner. Very few reported using toys with casual partners. This suggests that people who pretend use sex toys for pleasure or orgasm outside of partnered sex, while non- pretenders often find satisfaction through shared sexual exploration.
Faking orgasms is detrimental to satisfaction
People who currently faked orgasms reported slightly lower sexual, relationship, and life satisfaction compared to those who had stopped or never faked. This supports the idea that faking can mask dissatisfaction with sex and relationships and even impact overall well-being
However, the differences were small. Previous counterfeiters and those who never counterfeited reported nearly identical satisfaction scores, and differences between countries were minimal.
The price of pretending
Faking an orgasm seems like a shortcut to avoid conflict or boost your partner’s ego. But this study suggests it doesn’t pay off in the long run.
Surveying more than 11,000 people in six countries, researchers found that many men and women faked an orgasm. Those who stopped faking reported positive changes. These included better communication, greater comfort and confidence, more attentive sexual partners and higher satisfaction scores than current counterfeiters. They seem to be doing better in bed, in love and in life.
Nevertheless, the results come from a self-selected online sample and unvalidated survey items, so the results should be interpreted with caution. Future research could examine whether stopping faking leads to more orgasms over time, or whether it simply makes sexual experiences feel more authentic, even without climax. It could also delve deeper into how partners react when the faking stops or how relationship dynamics change after the truth comes out.
For now, this study is a powerful reminder that true intimacy begins with honest communication. And in a world full of pressure to perform, sometimes the bravest thing is to stop pretending.
This article was originally published on Le Shaw.